This article (Look Up), share by a friend of mine, hit me hard, from the first sentence: “People don’t look up”. At that very moment, I asked myself: “Do I look up?”. Well, sometimes I don’t.
Thirty minutes ago, I got out of the exam room and felt grumpy about not being able to do what I thought I could. Not doing well (or at least, as well as I expected) in exams here at Princeton is no longer a surprise to me; yet it upsets me every time. As a (bad) habit, I told two friends whom I met on the way home: “I just want to die now”. As a (bad) habit, I often thought of not getting a good grade for a class and, (a worse habit) consequently, I worried about not getting into grad school, and (my worst habit) I started to wonder how I would achieve my life goals in that scenario. This happens every time. I don’t know since when my mind has started to have the illusion that my life is perfectly arranged on a straight line, and my only job is to make sure that I walk on that line. Apparently it’s an illusion; it’s not how life works.
How does it work, then?
It fails me sometimes. Many times.
It makes me struggle, and after all the effort, it leaves me with nothing, sometimes.
It tricks me into thinking I’ve got it all under control, then it tells me “who do you think you are?”.
Those are the times when I don’t look up. Those are the times I would just stop believing in my ideals for a while, stop trusting my ability. Those are the times that people around just seem like giants, so grand, so great, so brilliant that I would never be able to catch up. I don’t know why even though I knew I should not feel this way, yet I do it anyway every time life fails me. Why though? There are many other things which I’m strong at, and these exams are not the only thing that defines me, nor my success, nor my failure.
After all, these sound like I’m trying to make up excuses for failing an exam. Well, there’s no excuse for failing, yet there’s also no excuse for overlooking the bright side of a failure. Just like an economist put it: “Don’t let a recession go to waste”, I will try harder. I’ll look Up.